i'm coming slow but speeding...

Friday, August 05, 2005

so insomnia has its grapple hold on me once again.

i fucking hate how the daily occurances of my life can have such a profound effect on my sleep patterns. you would think that by now, i'd be used to shit going wrong with me and a certain someone. and yet, here i am.... quarter to 7 in the morning, and what little sleep i did get tonight between 2:30 and 4 am was riddled with sweating spells, chills, the whole nine yards.
i'm done putting myself out there for people. i've only gotten hurt every time i have. i have shown infinite patience and understanding (or at least i've tried to, as hard as it's been), and i get completely shafted in return.

how do you deal with yourself when you can't stand to be only friends with someone, but you can't live without them in your life?

i feel like i'm going insane. i cannot be friends with him. it's just too much on me. after over a year or being patient and strong and friendly, i simply cannot take any more of this. but i cannot completely kick him out of my life. how do you eliminate someone from your life that you dont go a day without thinking of? how do you work with them, one way or the other?

i'm so angry with him, and with myself. i havent been this angry in so long. i'm so angry, i can't even cry.

jules was lost in thought at 6:51 AM

Comments:

There are other and better fish out there in the sea.

Tylenol PM helps with sleeping.

# posted by

Kevin : 7:25 AM