i'm coming slow but speeding...

Thursday, July 28, 2005

... all my fears have cornered me here"

men are assholes, but that doesnt come as such a big shock anymore.

my tattoo finally itches.

my favorite manager at the tucc is being transfered to the worst restaurant in the company, much to his shagrin. granted, the game plan is that he'll be back once our GM goes on maternity leave, but that won't be until january. but that's only the game plan, and we all know how fickle corporate offices can be with holding to their plans.

my very personal life has become public knowledge to more people at work than i could have imagined.

my "friends" have turned against me, and are trying to drive me out of my job by making my life there miserable. guess i see where their loyalties lie. someone should have the gall to do it himself though, and not send his budies to do his dirty work for him. with the growing number of tribulations i've already faced under that roof since last may, it might not be too difficult to convince me to bow out now.

i am a horrible friend to my true friends, too.

i wish i brought dave with me to saratoga instead. it would have saved me a lot of heartache and drama.

i find myself losing it at work. i tweaked out two weekends ago, for what were good reasons inside my head, but were not cause enough to freak out and almost punch kristen with no provocation. my brain cannot wrap itself around menial restaurant work anymore. this job has been a massive part of my life for the better part of 4 years, and i can feel it slipping away from me.

my doctor's gonna have a conniption when he sees me tomorrow and finds i haven't done any therapy for my foot. whoops.

the insomnia's getting worse, as of late. at least i've figured out what it's correlated to... cough sean cough

i lost one of my rings on monday. i feel naked without my rings. the ring i happened to lose was also the first ring i had ever bought. 5 years ago. i'm sure you can imagine my reaction as soon as it slipped off in mike's pool in the pitch dark night. (on the plus side, aside from that incident, monday night was a much-needed night of revelry. running the beirut table for 6 games didnt hurt the night either :p. thanks for the great time, boys)

anyone else ever feel helpless?

sean, you're a coward and a louse, at best.
so why do i care so much?
"i'm looking for love this time
sounding hopeful, but it's making me cry"

"this catastrophic event, it wasn't meant to mean you harm
but to think there's nothing wrong is a problem"

jules was lost in thought at 3:02 AM
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Tuesday, July 26, 2005

hey mr. curiosity
is it true what they've been saying about you
well are you killing me
you took care of the cat already
and for those who think it's heavy
is it the truth
or is it only gossip
call it mystery or anything
oh just as long as you call me
i sent the message oh did you get it when i left it
said well this catastrophic event
it wasn't meant to mean no harm
but to think there's nothing wrong is a problem, oh

i'm looking for love this time
sounding hopeful but it's making me cry
(trying not to ask why)
this love is a mystery
mr. curious...

come back to me
i'm a mr. waiting on and never patient can't you see
that i'm the same the way you left me, left me
in a hurry to spell check me
and i'm underlined already in envy green
and then to red
and i've forgotten what you've said
will you stop working for the dead and return
ah, mr. curious well i need some inspiration
it's my birthday and i cannot find no cause for celebration
the scenario is grave but i'll be braver when you save me
from this situation laden with hearsay, oh

i'm looking for love this time
sounding hopeful but it's making me cry
(trying not to ask why)
this love is a mystery
mr. curiosity
hey mr. please
do come and find me, oh
oh ,come on oh, yea yea

i'm looking for love this time
sounding hopeful but it's making me cry
(trying not to ask why)
cause love is a mystery
mr. curiosity
hey mr. please
do come and find me

love is blinding when your timing's never right
oh but who am i to beg for difference
finding love in a distant intstant
but i don't mind
oh love at least i tried, well i tried...

jules was lost in thought at 6:33 PM
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i can't say the entire weekend was wonderful. in fact, friday and saturday were pretty cruel days to me, all things considered. however, sunday and monday gave me the best 24 hours i've had in quite a while.

sunday: think pink. went up to pink shutters. chilled with christina, pat, fred, petey, picket, dan, chris smith, kyle, and greg. watched fred, petey, picket, greg, and kyle play Horse (we all know my basketball skills are less than splendid, so i sat this one out). enjoyed some brews, some horrendous popov ("generic bitch comment!"), family guy, card games, watching greg play warsong (i think that's what it's called anyway), hanging out with some very high kiddies, and a splendid drive home. good brews, good friends, good times. a much needed chill evening at pink shutters.

monday: visited christa at cosi to show her the tattoo. she showed me three comic books of The Maxx (if you dont know what the maxx is, let me know and i'll share this rocking cartoon with your deprived self). then a barbeque at mike czuchta's. my god it was good to see these kids. the guest list included but was not limited to: mike's gf crystal, moz :D, moz's gf anna, hick, ruben, jimmy, steve, ray, goon, larry, gary, carissa, brit... too many more to think of. ruben and i ran one of the beirut tables for six games (we would have gone longer, but the table was moved, which totally threw off our equilibrium. whatever. we still rocked the casbah). for the first time in a long time, i got thrashed. i lost my favorite/oldest ring and made the typical drunken phonecall to an undeserving prick, but those points aside, it was a superb evening. it was so great to see everyone, mike and moz particularly. those boys just have a knack for putting me into a good mood. i dont think i've ever been so glad to wake up with a hangover in 95° heat with insane humidity the next day

horray for good friends <3

jules was lost in thought at 12:57 PM
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Saturday, July 23, 2005

i got a tattoo yesterday.

i rule.

(pictures and explanation to come soon, kiddies)

:D

jules was lost in thought at 1:16 PM
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Sunday, July 17, 2005

just a random update...
~ lauren and mike are back together, though it doesnt seem as though it will last.
~ sean is being, well, he's being a good guy as far as he's concerned, but he's killing me in the process. i need to find another job. wokring with him is still too hard for me, and i was able to do it before, but now....
~ the foot is doing well. it's still kinda tight to use, but thats to be expected
~ i'm going to get my tattoo next thursday after 2pm (payday, of course)
~ i am going to attempt to get out of work on friday, the 22nd as early as humanly possible for a very quick drive to providence to check out mike doughty in all his awesomeness... or the night off would be even more ideal. we shall see if that happens though. knowing the tucc, they'll give sean the night off and make me close carryout. bastards. then again, there's always they 27th in new york...
~ i miss my homie g's!!! while being away from school is fine and dandy, it's quite grueling being away from all the people that became such good friends over those 8 months

other than that, i'm still an insomniac, i still work at the same dead end hellhole i've been stuck at for the past 3 and a half years, i'm still pining over the same scared boy who even though he admits he still cares for me wont date me for bullshit reasons, i'm still stuck in plainville with little to no hopes of an escape soon, and i'm still slightly gimpy. did i miss anything?

jules was lost in thought at 3:08 AM
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Saturday, July 02, 2005

where to begin.... it has been weeks since my last real posting, and though many of you already know the daily goings-on of my life, i feel the need to update today.

first things first, the foot is healing well. the bone is completely healed, and now i am simply waiting for the muscle to regain flexibility and strength.

now for the highlights of my past... we'll say 3 weeks to keep it even

June 18th: dave matthews band night #1 at the Meadows with Christa. the epitomy of a good time. it's been eons since i've spent any real time with the eldest elkie sister, so it was a joy just to spend 6 hours unintertupted with her. we ate vegan s'mores, hippie-danced the night away, fended off a drunkard, and had a fabulous time. the set list was good, with one of my favorite live songs (warehouse), along with quite a few songs off the new album. at first listen, i will readily admit i hated the new album, but after hearing the live interpretation of many of the songs, the album has grown on me....

June 19th: dave matthews band night #2 at the meadows, this time with a different crowd. i met up with pickett, jen, kristen, ian, and some of their friends for the show. though there was no hippie dancing this time around, the second night was still incredible. the set list was damned near perfect. highlights for me were "the stone", "crush", "granny" and "rapunzel." the company wasnt too shabby either ;). though chris and jen left aftet the second song to find a more somfortable lawn spot, we still made the best of what was around (pun intended) and rocked out. thoroughly entertaining....

June 25th: kyle's graduation party. after getting thoroughly raped at work with about half of our staff for the night already gone, lauren and i arrived at kyle's around 11pm. for those that aren't familiar with my second family, kyle's mom jean is convinced that kyle and i will marry, if only so she can have me as a daughter-in-law. rather endearing, really. we already have a "wedding date" in hawaii set up too. :p it was here that i found out that sean was going to be going to saratoga with me the following friday for a dave matthews band show, as opposed to dave. i was slightly taken aback, to say the least. not to say i wasnt pleasantly suprised, but it was still strange to think i would be spending more than 12 consecutive hours with the ex, when we've maybe spent 12 hours in each other's company TOTAL since we broke up, but he's a massive dave fan, and has always been entertaining, so i wasnt too stressed about it. the night was spent attempting backflips and relaxing on kyle's trampoline with sean, randi, dave, john, christy, and randi's mini-pinscher loki.

June 26th: lauren and mikey break up. to be honest, from the looks of things the only thing that has and will change about their relationship is they dont have the titles of "boyfriend/girlfriend". in fact, they've hung out more now that they've broken up than they did when they were together. then again, as lauren aptly pointed out, their relationship has never made sense to anyone, so why should it now?

July 1st: dave matthews band in saratoga with sean. oh. my. god. our pavilion seats were incredible. we were in the last row of the balcony, and i could still see every detail of the stage. the band was exhuberant tonight. carter had 2 drum solos, boyd and steffan has at least 3 of their signature jam-outs. steffan actually MOVED. he ran across the stage at one point, which is in and of itself amazing. though i didnt get to hear "song that jane likes", the set was awesome. oh, and the company wasnt too shabby either :D. as the concert let out, sean and i went to the parking lot, and just happened to stumble across the police escort of their tour busses being escorted out of SPAC.... all five of them. though we didnt get views of three of the five, i saw steffan chilling and wavng through the windshield. carter, on the other hand, was practically pressed against the window, waving ecstatically at the fans below. i saw carter from 10 feet away. i guess walking in the wrong direction to the car worked rather well.
did i mention the company was good?

so here it is, 5:17 on a starday night. i am utterly antsy. i SHOULD be working, but due to a scheduling snafu (i.e. my manager is a dolt) i am sitting at home. oh well. i'll enjoy the relaxation while i can take it. after all, last night was a long night.

jules was lost in thought at 5:20 PM
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