i'm coming slow but speeding...

Monday, April 30, 2007

finally hit the breaking point.

this job will be the death of me if something doesnt change, post haste. 45 hours in 4 days is just too much to ask of me. i work far too much, dont recieve enough credit for the hard work i put in, and dont get paid NEARLY enough for the amount of crap i put up with.

this job has pulled me away from my friends, most of which i hardly know anymore, since i'm too exhausted at the end of a shift to see them. this job ruined a relationship, because i work too much, and always on the weekends, and never got to see him. this job is breaking my body ever so slowly (oh i didnt tell you about the hip strain, or the physical therapy, or possible impending surgery? huh, go figure), and it's breaking my spirit with astounding speed and precision.

i got a compliment from tony on saturday after all was said and done and we were recooping from an insane dinner: "i'm glad it was you here tonight." thats really all i need to hear. just a little reassurance that all my hard work is not in vain. because thats how it has felt as of late.

just so... discouraging. especially since this isnt the first time i have writen something to this effect. as much as i love being crazy busy, constantly being active, yadda yadda....
i need a new job. an active, high-paced 9-5. so i can get back to a normal sleep pattern. see my friends. have a life again. and not feel disgruntled like this anymore.

sigh...

jules was lost in thought at 11:48 PM
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Tuesday, April 17, 2007

i started up a new webpage....

http://www.modelmayhem.com/member.php?id=356881

it's my modelmayhem portfolio. still in its fledgling stages, since i havent gotten my headhsots done yet. but still, it's progress. and its about time, as many of you would be inclined to agree.

fingers crossed this actually works.

and if anyone has a lead on a good photographer (meaning NOT creepy) let me know.

kthxbye

jules was lost in thought at 12:15 AM
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Monday, April 09, 2007

dont expect much from this; today's rantings are just that. random thoughts as they stream through my head. whatever.

1. i completely wasted my day off today, and wouldnt have it any other way =)

2. saturday was an absolute HOOT... went to the awesome 80's prom with rachel, kim, rae's mom, and a slew of other people. i'll get into the details at another time, when my brain is functioning properly enough to write well, versus the current near-catatonic state in which i currently babble incessantly.

3. headshots being taken soon. this both excites and worries me, in that maybe i can get everyone off my back abotu becoming a model... and maybe i can actually become one. i know i've kind of grazed around the idea before, but its high time i do something about it.

3a. apparently, my new nickname is Gumby... and no, i dont find it irksome

4. i need to go shopping for a dress and shoes for chuck's wedding. trying to decide if i want to do something classic or funky. any suggestions/input would be lovely.

5. highlighted the hair a few days ago. miss the red already. ger. so... to keep the brunette with blonde and black streaks, or go back to my beloved red? (and the black will still show through) life is full of such quandies, especially when my attitude becomes a reflection of the hair color on my head. when i'm a brunette, i seem to be a bit more demure, a bit more... understanding, i guess? [understanding isnt the right word, but i cant think of the proper one right now, so whatever.] when i'm a redhead i feel more vivacious and alive. but im also more prone to being a bitch. bizarre how so much of my character is either hidden or shines through based solely on my hair color.

6. im almost done paying off my car loan... which means its time to do what i promised myself i'd do: find a car i actually want, versus one i'm forced into. so, anyone that reads this rubbish on a regular basis knows the deal: any suggestions for a vehicle you think i'd appreciate, let me know! i'm looking in the $8k range

7. anyone want to start taking yoga classes with me, or suggestions on a great studio in the central ct area? my doctor recommended i start yoga and (of all things) dance lessons to loosen up my joints, and straighten out my uber-fucked-up hip, versus 'low-impact' but weigh-bearing gym exercise. basically: go doc on suggesting i NOT go to the gym! =)

7a. caelum: could you get me your schedule? if im going to start doing this on any kind of serious level, having the guidance of a teacher that i know and trust would be killer. maybe we can work something out around both of our crazy schedules.

pretty sure that covers it...

jules was lost in thought at 7:10 PM
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Thursday, April 05, 2007

just one night of blissful sleep, please.
one night where i'm not woken up by my legs, seething and writhing for a chance to move.

i work too much for my legs to still be antsy at the end of the night
this can only mean one thing:

wanderlust has kicked in again.
god, i love spring.

jules was lost in thought at 10:16 AM
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Tuesday, April 03, 2007

dear julie-

you don't need a machine to make a rainbow, for rainbows are made of happythoughts, and dreams, and chocolate unicorns, and gumdrops, and licorice sunsets, and fuzzy gumdrop bears, in chicken curly chocolate gumdrop land...
happy birthday!
- love, brad

i just found this card in a massive pile of papers i had accrued in my room.... BRAD I LOVE YOU TOO!!! and i still have your birthday present, which has almost fice months' worth of dust frosting it.

little notes like this make me really realize how fortunate i am to have friends like this, and how silly i've been for driving you all away. so, here's my schedule. if you see some time in there you'd like to play, let me know! (and i'll update this as regularly as possible too)

jules was lost in thought at 4:17 PM
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Sunday, April 01, 2007

funny....

now that i have a set restaurant (at least for the next 2 months, hypothetically), i also have a relatively set schedule...

there is not a single weekend in april that i am working friday, saturday AND sunday. i have at least one day off every weekend.

and one of the reasons (among others) steve and i broke up was because we never saw each other, since i work[ed] every day on the weekends.

oh, how i love a good dose of irony.

jules was lost in thought at 9:20 PM
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