i'm coming slow but speeding...

Friday, June 23, 2006

i was relaxing on the couch on a rare afternoon off before going to work, watching mtv-hits mindlessly, when "ghost of you" by my chemical romance comes on. if youre not familiar with the video, it recreates the storming of the beaches of Normandy in WWII.... D-Day.

now that my brain has woken up from the mindless television stupor, a crazy thought process is inevitable

as im watching the video, i think of something pickett told me over 2 months ago: the world is 51% women, 49% men on account of war. this gets me realizing: 2% of the world's women will remain unmarried all through their days, not even including how many women die in childbirth in other countries, and that men have a shorter life expectancty than women, so more often than not they'll die before the woman does, so she can remarry if she so chooses, and clearly he cannot... and i cant even begin to estimate how many gay men there are.

welcome to my thought process

as all these facts are piling up, a nauseous feeling is growing in my stomach. "what if i'm part of that ill-fated 2%?" i try to reassure myself. i'm not homely, i'm pretty entertaing, but there's still that big fat "what if?" so, even though i am (for the most part) confident with who i am, i have this crazy sick feeling.

i think i'm going crazy.

jules was lost in thought at 2:04 PM

Comments:

sounds exactly like something coming out of my demented mind... see now the question for me is... am i a male version of you or are you a female version of me??

# posted by

Anonymous : 2:15 PM

darling, we're practically one and the same when it comes to our thought processes!

but for the sake of argument we'll go with youre a male version of me, since methinks thats more fitting with the given example

:o*

# posted by

jules : 1:56 AM

Funny. My coworker Amanda and I were talking about that today. I think about it all the time, like "what if i end up the crazy cat lady?". It's one of my biggest fears next to dying, and having a heart scare has made me realize alot. And one of them is that some things can happen that you don't want or never thought WOULD happen. But let's face it Jules. Right now you and I are the girls that are just like the guys. We're not slutty, we're honest, smart, tell it like it is, we're funny, we know how to have a good time, and...dun dun dun...we know guys like the back of our hands. They don't want that right now. But in the long run after college... unless theyre still immature I don't think guys will still want sluts who don't know their ass from their elbow. So I really don't think we're doomed. Just too much of a good thing at the wrong time. And hey, we could always just elope or something if things dont work out. ;-) love you

ps sorry this was a novel

# posted by

Anonymous : 12:18 AM