i'm coming slow but speeding...

Monday, August 29, 2005

today was the first day of classes at UConn.... fun is.

brit lit II should prove to be entertaining. it's going to be a lot of reading, but the professor is quite laid back, and funny in a strange quirky way. some of the girls that were in my bri lit I class are in this one as well... perhaps that's a bad thing. hopefully my reputation for skipping classes religiously doesnt precede me.

medieval lit should be even more entertaing than brit lit. the professor's a whack job, and had the class laughing in 30 seconds. again, there's a lot of reading, but i AM an english major... should i have expected different?!

as far as the room goes, it's small for an apartment, huge for a dorm, and just perfect. there's a kitchen, bathroom, and laundry IN our apartment. no more horrendous cafeteria food for jules. my only major qualm with this place is its location. more specifially it is not directly downstairs from matt, brad, pick, and brant. i have to walk like 5 minutes to see them, which is miniscule when it comes to this campus, but still. other than that, i love the room.
i miss home already though. i miss the people, really. it was incredibly strange not going out to eat with lauren on saturday night. though, as she noted, this will be a tremendous money saver on both of our parts. i miss all my bertucci's peeps as well... (yes, even sean. gah) i was finally starting to feel like i was home again, and then i had to leave. such is life as a college student. you are in a constant state of flux. You move to school. it takes you a while to get acclimated. once you're really comfortable, you have to go home. home suddenly doesnt feel like home any more. then, once again, once you feel like you're back, off to school you go. meh, whatcha gonna do about it, ya know? there's nothing wrong with living a fluid life.

is there?

jules was lost in thought at 4:49 PM
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Saturday, August 27, 2005

i move back into UConn tomorrow. i am both excited and, well sad's not the right word. maybe pensive? in either event, it'll be nice to have a change of scenery.

"can you show me the way back from crazy?"

jules was lost in thought at 2:32 AM
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Friday, August 26, 2005

i am moving some of my stuff into the apartment tomorrow (well, technically today, but whatever)

why am i dreading friday night at work?

the scenarios in my head are all impossible, but they're all too appealing to give up on.

i wonder sometimes how long i've been duped for.

i miss him. both of them. more than i should on both counts.

the night sky is perfectly clear tonight, but i havent felt the urge to look at the stars for quite some time. this bothers me deeply.

i need ice cream.

this would be a splendid night to camp out, since its slightly chilly and clear.... i think i'm going to set up a tent and sleep in it tomorrow night, just for the sake of it. i didnt get to go camping this summer, so i need something to fill that void... i guess.

when?

i hope this white noise in my head clears away soon. i miss my clarity.

"i wanted to stay, i wanted to play, i wanted to love you" gah.

sleep.

jules was lost in thought at 12:44 AM
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Wednesday, August 17, 2005

99 QUESTIONS:
1. What time is it? 1:08 am
2. Name: Julieanna
3. Nickname(if any): julie, jules, beaner, stretch, etc
4. No question for number 4. well that's lame...
5. Single or taken?: single
6. Chinese zodiac: rat
7. Hair color: red currently, but going back to brown any day now
8. Eye color: green
9. Height: 6'1"
10. Shoe size: 10 1/2
11. Glasses, contacts or neither?: reading glasses
12. Braces?: back in the day for 8 years. ugh
13. Piercing/tattoos?: one gauged double piercing in my left ear, and a tattoo of the Two Golden Fish (one of the tibetan buddhism five auspicioussymbols) on my lower back
14. Birthplace: hard-hittin new britain
15. Current Location: plainville
16.Siblings name: christa, lydia

******HAVE YOU EVER******
17. Gone skinny dipping?: yep
21. Skipped school?: yep
22. Bungee jumped?: no
23. been to a concert?: "a" concert?
24. Kissed someone of the same sex not related to you?: yep
25. Kiss more than two people in one day: no
26. been in a car accident?: yeah, 3. 2 were not my fault, and the other.. whodathunk a cop car would want to go to dunkin donuts? whodathunk i would back into it?
27. TP'd someone's house? haha no
28. Won something?: yeah, tix to a DMB show, a DMB dvd, a hibachi grill, free dinner at hot tomato's... i miss radio 104. i used to win shit off of them all the time
29. Asked someone out?: yes
30. Been rejected?: yes
31. Been in love?: yep... :insert lauren-esque sigh here:
32. Been to a funeral?: yep
33. Used a lighter? yep
34. Been on stage?: yep

******FAVORITE******
35. Food: probably tiramisu
36. Ice cream flavor: chocolate soft serve, or caramel
38. School subject(s): physics (yes, im serious), poetry
39. Breakfast cereal: honey bunches of oats
40. Number(s): 41, 7
41. Book(s): crime and punishment by fyodor dostoevsky, among many others
44. Soda: cream soda, birch beer
45. Color(s): depending on the application, but red, orange, and yellow mostly
46. TV show: family guy, simpsons, monty python's flying circus
47. Sport to watch on tv: don't normally watch sports on tv unless its the olympics or the iron man triathalon
48. Sport to play: volleyball
49.Bands/musicians: dave matthews band, mike doughty, john butler trio, jeff buckley, missy higgins, john mayer, on and on forever...
50. Letter(s): um, what? Z, but only because it's pronounced "zed" in england, i guess
51. Fast food restaraunt: taco bell, wendy's
52. Cartoon Character(s): brian from family guy, the maxx
53. Holiday: halloween
54. Name for a boy: tristan, dustin, um...
55. Name for a girl: veronica, madeline, amelia

******DO YOU PREFER******
56. Chocolate or vanilla?: chocolate
57. Boys or girls?: boys
58. Long relationships or one night stands?: long relationship
59. Dogs or cats: dogs, for the most part
60. Scary movies or comedies?: scary movies, but only if they are actually scary
61. Silver or gold?: silver
62 Croutons or bacon bits?: croutons

******THINGS THAT COME TO MIND******
63. Doctor: orthopedic
64. Hedgehog: sonic
65. School: hell
66. Grass: pot.
67. Cow: moo
68. Canada: eh?
69. Mouse: cheese
70. Hand: lost

******THE PAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU******
71. Watched a movie?: yep, kill bill voulme 1
72. Talked on the phone?: yep
73. Cried?: um, kinda
74. Threw up?: no
75. Drank a glass of water?: yes
76. Gone to the bathroom?: i should hope so!
77. Read a book or magazine?: yes
78. Watched tv?: yeah
79. Looked in the mirror? yes
80. Taken a shower?: again, i should hope so!
81. Taken a picture?: no
82. Listened to music?: yeah
83. Hugged or kissed someone?: yes
84. Done your hw?: it's summer
85. Told someone you loved them?: no

*****DO YOU BELIEVE IN....******
86. Heaven?: it's a nice thought, but i dont know
88. Aliens?: "if it was just us, it'd be an awful waste of space"
89. Fun for the entire family?: yeah, actually
90. Freedom of speech?: yes
91. Love?: yeah
92. Magic?: it'd be frickin sweet, but no

*******SOME RANDOM STUFF******
93. Last movie you saw in theatres?: charlie and the chocolate factory
94. Are you listening to music right now? yeah, john butler trio
95. What color shirt are you wearing?: orange
96. Do you like your middle name?: dont have one
97. What is the best thing since sliced bread?: cds
98. What color is your backpack?: orange and grey
99. What time is it now?: 1:25am

jules was lost in thought at 1:25 AM
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Saturday, August 13, 2005

okay, finally have an open opportunity to sit down and write about how disgruntled i am that chuck's leaving.

wednesday night, after leaving margarita's, i drove on down to bertucci's and chilled with john and chuck while they did inventory.
during this time, john and i commiserated about our similiar situations dealing with the gossip folk, and i was able to get some stuff off my chest about john's gossip without making it seem like i was approaching him and being a bitch. wow, that was a great feeling to tactfully tell someone exactly how i felt without being aggressive, and still having them fully understand the scope of what you're saying.

so anyway, around 1:30amish, john gets a phone call from dave and sean... apparently they had to "watch a movie" (cough go smoke a bowl cough), so john asked chuck if it was cool if he bounced. chuck was all "yeah, julie and i will crank out inventory in like a half hour!"

cut to 3:30am. a very strong uber-big margarita for each of us and inventory long since completed; chuck and i are still sitting in bertucci's just bullshitting. at this point, i was like "dude, you gotta get home, or lauren's gonna kill you" (lauren being his girlfriend, and not my little lauren). so he locked up shop, and we chilled in the parking lot for another 20 minutes or so and went our seperate ways.

it's been a while since i've had such a nice lengthy conversation with one person, and had to drag myself away from the conversation. (it was actually july 1st, if we must get into specifics.) i'm really going to miss chuck. he is the only manager at bertucci's that i can respect as a manager. he gets his shit done, and whether you like him or not, you had to admit that he was thorough and had respect for his employees.
aside from that, i'd say chuck and i grew to be good friends in the year he was at the southington bertucci's. i was one of the only people that was not only kind to him when he first started, but i didnt compare him to our old manager lemuel. granted, i was as pissed as everyone else that lemuel got transferred out, but it wasn't either one of their choices, so there was no sense in me harbingering any resentment. chuck is one of the few people that not only understands my quirky sarcasm, btu can feed off it and throw it back at me. he's a dork, quirky, and strange... but they all work in his favor. he's one of the few people i've met that is willing to admit they are a bigger dork than i am, and that's no small feat.

it's going to be extremely difficult working at bertucci's without him there. at the very VERY least, he helped keep me sane on the nights when i was pissed beyond all reason at sean but still had to work with him. some people just fed the fire on my side of things. chuck just kind of kept my mind off of it, and when it did come up, would crack a joke and make me forget about it briefly enough to get me out of the kitchen. i question whether or not sean ever noticed it, but there were more than a few nights that, had chuck not been there to keep a smile on my face, i might have just decked him. if nothing else, chuck proved to be a good buffer between the two of us. and much more.

it's a sort of disorienting feeling knowing that when i walk in to work tomorrow night, i won't have chuck at the expo window to joke around with me, keep my mind off certain things, and make the night go by a little faster. i guess things are going back to the way they used to be pre-chuck... but thats not neccesarily a good thing.
gah.

having a bad night at work tonight hardly helped the transition from chuck to no-chuck. shit just went wrong; there was a massive misscommunication between me, kelly r, kristen, dave, john, and sean... and shit just went all to hell. it was flat out a miserable night at work. talk about starting off on the wrong foot.

on a quasi-related note: sean should be getting a job at ruby tuesday's. as silly as it sounds, if he gets another job, then i'm going to stick around bertucci's. if he doesn't, then they have my two week notice. i cant stand working with him anymore. not just him, but having to deal with The Triumvirate (sean, john, and dave) is getting to be more than a pain. seperately, and/or outside of work, these guys are great. however, get them all in bertucci's at once and the three of them seem to feed off each others' moods and attitudes, and throw it out to whomever they feel like targeting. it's getting to be more than i can bear. and since her sheepish return from florida, lisa's been trying to be all buddy-buddy to sean, thinking i'm oblivious to the whole thing. kristen's immaturity and overabundant emotional outpourings are gettingto be more than i can take. kelley is simply a hormonal bitch. she needs to pop out that kid and stop letting everything ruben does/says affect her entire life for the day. liz is leaving to go to school in virginia. virginia. for the love of god woman, do you have to be so far away?! complaints about anyone else have either slipped my mind or the person is just that inconsequential. it's time for me to leave that place while i'm still on a good note.

2 more weeks until we're back up at uconn. 14 days. i hope this time flies.

jules was lost in thought at 3:01 AM
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Thursday, August 11, 2005

last night was chuck's last night at the southington bertucci's.

that is a depressing statement.
hypothetically, he is supposed to be coming back to southington to be the GM when kelley goes on maternity leave. of course, this is only hypothetical, and bertucci's has a certain flair for shafting their managers.
this has left me disgruntled, to put it mildly.
more to come on this later. i have to get ready for work (margarita's).

fin. and not the dolphin persuasion either.

jules was lost in thought at 2:43 PM
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Monday, August 08, 2005

you, you were a friend
you were a friend of mine i let you spend the night
you see how it was my fault.. of course it was mine.
i'm too hard at work
have you ever heard of anything more absurd ever in your life?
i'm sorry for wasting your time

who am i to say this situation isn't great?
it's my job to make the most of it
of course i didn't know that it would happen to me
not that easy

hey, what's that you say?
you're not blaming me for anything? well that's great
but i don't break that easy
does it fade away?
so that's why i,
i'm apologizing now for telling you i thought that we could make it
i just don't get enough to believe that we've both changed.

who am i to say this situation isn't great?
it's my time to make the most of it
how could i ever know that this would happen to me? not that easy, no
all along the fault is up for grabs, why don't you have it?
well it's for sale, go make your offer,
i will sell it for no less than what i bought it for
pay no more than absolutely zero.

well neither one of us deserves the blame
because opportunities moved us away
and it's not an easy thing to learn to play
a game that's made for two that's you and me
the rules remain a mystery
see it can be easy.

who am i to say this situation isn't great?
it's our time to make the most of it
how could we ever know that this would happen to me? not that easy, no
all along the fault is up for grabs and there you have it
well it's for sale go make your offer,
i will sell it for no less than what i bought it for

pay no more than absolutely zero.

just some more jason mraz. yes, i think i'm becoming obsessed. so?!

jules was lost in thought at 2:17 AM
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Saturday, August 06, 2005

"tell the tiny chemicals
the ones you hold responsible
they lost me
you lost me
now everything inside me tells me i should run to you and throw my arms around you"

gah.

even when i do sleep (thanks to unisom on an empty stomach for that one) i can't get this out of my head. he's infiltrated my dreams! gah!!
only 3 more weeks of working with him. only 3 weeks to show hin how big of an asshole he's been to me. 21 days.

looking at the brighter side of life, in exactly 3 weeks, i'll be getting drunk with all my UConn brethren. this makes me smile.

jules was lost in thought at 11:28 AM
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Friday, August 05, 2005

so insomnia has its grapple hold on me once again.

i fucking hate how the daily occurances of my life can have such a profound effect on my sleep patterns. you would think that by now, i'd be used to shit going wrong with me and a certain someone. and yet, here i am.... quarter to 7 in the morning, and what little sleep i did get tonight between 2:30 and 4 am was riddled with sweating spells, chills, the whole nine yards.
i'm done putting myself out there for people. i've only gotten hurt every time i have. i have shown infinite patience and understanding (or at least i've tried to, as hard as it's been), and i get completely shafted in return.

how do you deal with yourself when you can't stand to be only friends with someone, but you can't live without them in your life?

i feel like i'm going insane. i cannot be friends with him. it's just too much on me. after over a year or being patient and strong and friendly, i simply cannot take any more of this. but i cannot completely kick him out of my life. how do you eliminate someone from your life that you dont go a day without thinking of? how do you work with them, one way or the other?

i'm so angry with him, and with myself. i havent been this angry in so long. i'm so angry, i can't even cry.

jules was lost in thought at 6:51 AM
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Thursday, August 04, 2005

so, yeah....

bertucci's shafted me this whole summer with that whole full time thing

"oh yeah, julie, you'll definetly have full-time hours when you come back from your surgery!"

it's 3 weeks until school starts, and i got sick of waiting for them to come through on their broken promises. i got another job.

Margarita's and Chuck's steak house. i rule. well, really pat berg rules for mentioning to me that they were accepting applications, and dropping his name in the interview probably didnt hurt me either.
i still haven't given a 2-week notice at the tucc, since there's always the chance that i'll hate it over there. but I CAN QUIT BERTUCCI'S WHENEVER I WANT. man, that's a liberating feeling.

if only you could have seen sean's face when i told him in passing. damn, that was sweet. wish i had a camera :p

the only downside so far is that i have a very ugly menu to learn. and by ugly, i mean it's pretty complex, and there's a lot on it. well, im gonna have to get back in the habit of studying soon anyway. might as well start now. gah.

jules was lost in thought at 5:25 PM
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