i'm coming slow but speeding...

Friday, May 27, 2005

my parents have become enablers. they have enabled my deepseated fear that i am an invalid to become a fullfledged reality. they do not understand that i am rotting away in this 9'x9' prison cell. they do not see that all their "loving and protection" is suffocating me, and i am dying inside because i really am an invalid now. i cant leave my house under my own power. i cant see my friends. i am dead to the world, and it is on their accounts.

i am perfectly able to drive. i am perfectly able to walk. i am ABLE. but to them, i am a helpless, defenseless sickly invalid who needs to be watched over constantly, as though i cannot fend for myself. i am dying! and all they can do is tell me how keeping me locked in this hellhole is protecting me, saving me. bullshit

so here i am, on a friday night, when all my friends are celebrating fred's birthday, and i am stuck here, because these two pompous asses think that keeping me locked away is protecting me. this is why i cant sleep!! i have too much energy to sit here, wasting away my hours reading, typing aimlessly on my computer...... this is why i cannot sleep. i have become useless. i know it, my body knows it. so it keeps me awake until the sun comes up to remind me of just how decrepid and useless i am as a human being right now.

i thanked them for turning my fears of becoming an invalid into a stark reality. i got baraged with a sea of "we're just looking out for you" and other lines of parental bullshit. as if keeping me from being social is helping me in the least. they do not seem to understand that keeping me from my friends is detramental to my very recovery. fucking hate this bullshit.

i hope you guys all had fun on friday night. fred, sorry that i couldnt make it up for your birthday shindig, and hope that you got annihilated. everyone else, i'm sorry i didnt show up. you can blame the wardens.

jules was lost in thought at 9:50 PM

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