i'm coming slow but speeding...

Friday, May 20, 2005

(actually written yesterday, but i forgot to post it. whoops)

boys are funny creatures.

one likes me. i have nothing but friendship to offer, and this makes me feel like a bad person.
i think i like one. he seems to not care less whether or not i exist, and this makes me feel frustrated, at best.
one forgot me. there are still nights, once in a blue moon, where i can't breathe when i think of him.

this is why i hate insomnia! it makes you think, since there's nothing better to do with your time. and when i think, i get emotional. and when i get emotional (we're talking that kind of emotional where you look fine, but your innards are burning... yeah, the real pleasant kind that's a sordid combination of anger and sadness, where you want to hit something or hold something, and you're not sure which) , i can't sleep. and when i can't sleep, i think too much. and when i think too much, i get emotional. and when i get emotional, i can't sleep...... GAH!

there are other boys. they are my friends, and they are growing too numerous to count on all my phalanges. these are the ones that offer to carry me up the stairs when i'm crutched. that make me smile through my tears. that spoon with me when i'm drunk and sad. that i can drink beer with and feel completely at ease. that are my fiancees. that are my big brothers, even if they're shorter and younger. that go for pointless drives with me to say nothing at all, just to feel the night breeze and listen to good music. that i can belch in front of, and instead of getting funny looks, i get graded. that stay up til sunrise just to watch the sunrise, even with work or class in the morning, just because we both feel like it. that neander around borders with me for hours. that whap corn fritters in my hair. that give great hugs, high fives, and explosions. that make store 24 runs with me at 2am in the middle of a nor'easter. that will expend themselves beyond all rationale to make my day, because they know i would do the same for them. that are just there, handing me a beer at the end of a long day and smiling. that make me feel like one of the guys. that make me feel accepted. that let me be me, and they still love me for it. that all make me happy, whether or not they even realize it.

boys are funny creatures.

jules was lost in thought at 12:03 AM

Comments: Post a Comment

* * * * * * *