i'm coming slow but speeding...

Monday, April 25, 2005

this is bordering on redaculous. i got 2 hours of sleep last night. i woke up at 8:00 am. it is now 4:20am... and i cannot sleep. this is so damn frustrating!
for those of you who are confused about what insomnia is exactly: http://www.4woman.gov/faq/insomnia.htm
and before anyone tries to tell me a cure, read this list, i've tried all of them, but to no avail: http://www.well.com/user/mick/insomnia/ though any new suggestions are always welcomed.

after almost a year of sleeplessness, my body is utterly exhausted. it is as if my blood is made of molten steel. the days all blend together now. there is no seperation. i cannot wake up in time for the morning rush, with newscasters declaring triumphantly "it is blah-blah day yadda yadda" under their perfectly groomed hair and makeup. the newscatsers are waking up now to go to the station for their daily primping. ack.

i wish i could fall asleep, if only to dream a little bit. the occasions are rare, but when i do dream, they are morbid, twisted, and real. i dream of my friends. i dream of life in a dali painting, pulsating rooms and cityscapes. oh, if only you could see some of the bizarre sights i have seen, and woken up with the intense feeling that the dream was not a dream. that it had happened, and the emotions they evoke, that pit in the base of your stomach, that euphoria, that dreamlife is all real. it would make you want to sleep all day just for a glimpse. it is exhilerating. if a psychiatrist were to analyze my dreams, they might deem me insane. i daydream of dreaming, of sleeping, of rest. a place for my head to rest. weary from the mental road i have been on... damn. i hate that. getting philisophical this late/early is never good for the head.
my fingers cannot keep up with my brain. the steel blood weighs my fingers to the keyboard. my brain functioning too fast to allow my fingers to keep up. thinking too much. buzzing in my brain.
"finger by finger we're losing grasp"

hmm. 4:20am on april 25th. happy birthday sean.

jules was lost in thought at 4:20 AM

Comments:

gotta be frustrating, not being able to sleep...
When I get on my bed and try to study I usually succeed in falling asleep soon after

# posted by

:) : 3:29 AM